A new member of our family!

So my brother moved to Louisville, KY to go to Southern Seminary. And with living on campus he couldn't take Jackson, his dog, with him. I couldn't stand to see a dog we have had for 7 years be given away. So I am the doggie softy, and to our house he landed.

The thing about Jackson is he is used to being outside all day and going literally where ever he pleases. He can get out of every fence we have ever had, and my brother got tired of trying to fix the fence. So he roamed where ever he wanted. I can't let him do that here, so he has had a hard few days being transported. He went from Freddy's house to the vet, from the vet to my mom's house. Due to a small emergency with my sister my mom had to pack up the dogs and take them to Auburn, and finally from Auburn to our house! I would be depressed too.

Jackson loves to curl up in a corner or in the kennel. However, I don't let him go in the kennel during the day just to try to keep him social.

So here are some pictures from the weekend.

Long time

Yeah well the journaling thing didn't work too well. I need to get back to it! Soon very soon!

A new blog needs a new post right?

So I want to get back into the blogging world. Maybe this can be a journal for me to try to deal with all the emotions running in my head these days. The recital is over, I am very glad. Now I can concentrate on us as a family, and dealing with going to the doctor so much. Maybe without work stress I can deal with life stress and get myself under control.

For anyone who has had to endure infertility you understand. For those who haven't you will never understand what it is like to month after month be told you are not pregnant. Especially when it feels that everyone you are around is pregnant or has had kids with no problems. You get to the point that you don't want to go anywhere that you will see children. It is a constant reminder of what you don't have. I never thought I would avoid parties or social events or church or Sunday school. But I find myself becoming more and more of a hermit in my own home.

I have even become stagnant in my own faith. I don't pray, I don't read the Bible like I should, sometimes I even want to doubt my faith. Why would God put me through this. Then I get convicted...I don't have a 9 year old with cancer, I am not sick myself, my parents love me, I have an amazing husband, amazing friends, I have a job. This is a totally selfish desire. I want to be ok with having my husband and he be enough. But so many days I feel like I am contributing nothing to this world. I feel like I am much more compassionate than what I am giving. What is my life purpose. Right now all that could make me feel better is to hold my own child and know that I will raise this child to better God and the world. But I also wonder is once I have that child, what will I want next. Am I ever going to be satisfied with my life.